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I didn’t mean to upset you.’ How could she be sorry for doing nothing? I sobbed again, one of those sobs that rack you like a child’s sobs do. My head fell forward and tears fell onto the pale blue of my dress. Why does water show so clearly on pale blue? I half pulled myself together and took another cigarette from Tippi’s pack and lit it. I waited for her to tell me off for smoking – I only stopped because she’d told me to, had begged me to. She didn’t. Instead she sat beside me and looked out over the view but I knew she wasn’t seeing it any more than I was. Her voice was low and calm. ‘Of course I knew. If I had ever, ever had a woman lover it would have been you. I even thought about it, like you think about things that you know you simply cant do. I knew you wanted me. But you never made a move because you knew too that I couldn’t and that it would have hurt us both too much.’ She was right. ‘I knew you’d always be my closest friend because you love me and I love you. But we. It wasn't anything like her internship teaching which had been in a nice county school. The inner city was brutal. And scary. Leah had wanted to reach out and touch the lives of children but she saw that students has zero respect for teachers and the demographics of the inner city school left her the victim of many cruel remarks from students who simply didn't care and who weren't punished by the school's admin.When Leah had a chance to get out of that hell hole she took it. So the nice Alexander Latwon High School--named for some long dead Confederate general--was a huge change of pace. The students behaved, the administration punished bad behavior, they actually communicated. It was organized. The demographics were also a huge shift. Leah would often be the only white woman in the room at her inner city school. Leah didn't care about race. She wanted to teach children--but that didn't mean no one else did. She was accused by many students for being racist when she had to discipline.
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